Rules of Engagement : Idiotic Girl Edition

My friend Dustin posted a hilarious blog yesterday detailing a short list of things that men wish women knew. Since things have been a little serious and somber over here at Light Bulbs, I thought I'd take a little intermission to respond with a few things women wish men knew. I'll also be adding just a few simple tips for guys to give them that extra edge when impressing the ladies.

1. Do you like a girl? Wink at her. A lot. Winking is hot. I assume this goes both ways, but I wouldn't know because I can't wink without looking like Lucille from Arrested Development, or like I'm having some sort of stroke.

2. Read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I'm not going to lie and say it's not some weird twisted form of Christian girl porn. It kinda is. Michael Hosea is the kind of man every girl secretly wishes they will end up with. Read and take lots of notes. Every girl wants to be pursued in spite of her baggage, although hopefully you won't ever have to encounter "growing up in a brothel" baggage.

3. Hold a baby. Anyone's baby will do. Try not to hold it like it possesses some sort of disease. Be aware that it is alive and that your big manly arms can crush it if held incorrectly.

Cradle it like you would a football and act like you like it and you're golden. If possible, get your picture taken and make sure it's tagged on facebook. Any girl stalking you in the middle of the night will stumble upon it and assume you're her soul mate.

4. Any girl who has an interest in getting married at some point in her life will, within the first few moments of having a crush on you, try adding your last name to hers. We're not as insane as this may sound...it's just a fact of life...don't freak out. You would too if you had to take the girls name and her last name happened to be Schicklegruber.

5. It's ok to not always hold out for the drop dead gorgeous, but complicated girl. We know you're willing to work through all that complicated stuff because hey, if it works out, you're dating a hot girl. But there are plenty of us who are mildly to moderately attractive who are worth pursuing as well.