Thursday, March 31, 2011

Impressing smart people

If I were I honest with myself, I would admit that a small part of why I started this blog is about impressing smart people somewhere down the line when I actually have someone other than my mom reading it. Of course there are other more noble reasons why I'm blasting these ramblings into cyberspace but I can't lie, wanting to look smarter than I am is a little sliver of it. As a Christian I am perpetually striving to find my identity in Jesus, but there are two major things that I am striving against in that battle.

1. Getting smart people to think I'm smart too. The compliments that make me feel the warmest and gushiest inside are ones where people tell me that I said something profound. Or when my sister tells me she wants me to be the one to talk in an argument with my dad or a disagreement with our pastor because I "talk better". I have a handful of smart friends that I am always trying to impress. My friend Dustin has an encyclopedic memory for facts and dates and authors and theology. I try to soak up information like a sponge when we talk but I'm a big ideas person, details don't stick. A compliment from him is like winning the intellectual lottery. Conversely, if someone like Dustin doesn't think any one of my ideas holds water I freak out and assume that everyone thinks I'm a moron. (by the way, I just spent about 10 minutes thinking up ways to get the word 'conversely' in that sentence).

2. Speaking of morons, the other thing I tend to find my identity in is making people laugh by acting like one. I'm not a terribly witty person, much to my chagrin. I'm one of those people that ends up thinking of the most perfect, most funny thing to say about two hours after it would have actually been funny. So what do I fall back on to make people laugh?- making ridiculously ugly faces, awkward dancing, random sound effects at inappropriate times, making people feel know, stuff like that. Some might say I've taken this to the next level, because last December I actually won a competition for it. Looking back, there was never a doubt in my mind that I would win. It was destiny.
That's right people. I actually won a contest for the weirdest face in Austin. That baby was posted on two billboards in downtown Austin. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty proud of that thing. (Although, I will be adding a normal picture of me to my profile so as not to scare off any future husbands who might be lurking on here...that's for you, Dad)

So what about you? What do you struggle with finding your identity in?

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